Confessional

We actually won! Which may be good or bad, depending on some factors... Dillon vs. Aaron. I don't know why, but I truly just don't trust Aaron. I may be misreading that, though.

Dillon mentioned that the merge is coming, and Aaron wanted to keep it secret. I guess we'll see after this next vote. If Aaron did want to keep that secret... what's the benefit of that? I guess if his tribe thinks there's another vote, they... eh, I don't know. I also don't trust Dillon at all, but somehow I feel like I can predict what he'll do better than I can with Aaron.

And I have an idol. There's actually a hack for Shy Guy and Shelby to get idol clues at the next vote, provided I play my idol - and provided the other side puts all of their eggs in one basket, or splits the vote without one of them being the secondary target. Deal with that when/if the time comes.

I keep wondering if Nyx is playing. Did you recruit her? Would explain her absences in The Genius. That would be kind of fun, actually.

I think this is the first time I've ever had a hidden immunity idol in a game. That's exciting. I'll probably screw it up, though.

Adam wrote:In this game, you will figuratively need to cannibalize each other...

What a warm way to introduce the merge. Your cynicism is impressive.

I try

Dillon claims to not know who I am, but he's been oddly forward with information.  It's a good sign for now.  Unless it's a trick... I mean, it's totally a trick I'd pull, so maybe.  Whatever.

Spooky also PM'd me.  Apparently Shy Guy told Spooky who he is, too, and Spooky told Dillon.  Mykee is great - he's good in challenges, a cool guy, I'm happy to have him on my side - I should really talk to him more outside of games, because I legit like him.  But I feel like he can also be pretty erratic in games.  Case in point: see above.  I haven't told anyone else who I am, but I have suggested a perhaps overstated familiarity/camaraderie with Dillon, without actually saying anything specific.  

It's funny, too, because I asked Aaron what happened with the vote/why Mint was voted out, and Dillon's given me more information than Aaron.  Aaron almost reminds of RTF, but perhaps more on the ball than RTF usually seems.  I'm not saying he is RTF, just an association (for now...).  

Also, in the habit of the last Lsquared game when I still saw all *you people* as just words on a screen (there's something both nice and tragic about seeing Games board people as actual people), and was content just babbling like I was talking to myself... fuck, I hate holidays.  I need to call my aunt, but like, I really don't want to.  Same for other family.  Ugh.  I'll make a few calls tomorrow, then get my dog out, then make more calls.  Pacing it seems the best option.  Alcohol hasn't been taken off the table, either.  

Ideally, my Christmas will look a lot like this, and only like this:


We'll see if that's successful or not.

Anyway, merry fucking Christmas/bahumbug!

And the paranoia begins...

Spooky told Dillon Shy Guy's identity. Shy Guy says Spooky is close with Dayman (and that Ryan and Milli are expendable, but... saying someone is expendable is the oldest trick in the book, so I'm not sure what to believe). Spooky mentioned wanting to vote with Aaron.

At the moment, all roads lead to Spooky. I'd like to tell Dillon, but since I can't figure out what about Spooky's game is real or a put-on, it's probably best I don't. We'll see how the challenge goes.

Meanwhile, apparently Aaron idol'd Mint out? But Aaron has gone so silent, which is also making me wonder which end is up with the Spooky stuff.

Shy Guy... I'm not going to say I distrust him, but there are definitely some things that aren't adding up.

I do like Dillon a lot, but in a game... it's kind of dire when the most stable-seeming potential ally is THE Ariana. Then again, he's good at what he does, and how it seems could be very misleading.

Question -

For the twist, 3 votes with then 1 against earns an idol clue... I realize it has to be 3 consecutive votes, but how are those defined? For example, Aaron and I voted in the first 4 tribals, then were on separate tribes/didn't go to tribal at the same times. So does it now reset, or is it 3 consecutive tribals that both people participate in together (and those when we were separated don't count)? ie: since we could neither vote with nor against each other the last 3, would the chronology pick up where it left off, or would it be "reset"?

3 consecutive with the same person. So it doesn't reset if you don't attend together.

Awesome. Could be useful. Thanks!

So... I laid a lot of groundwork and got to a position where I was reasonably sure Dillon would flip to our side. He chose the target, I tried to get everyone on board... and Shy Guy fucking told Dayman who we're targeting. Dayman... the person we're 100% sure has an idol. Shy Guy told him who we're targeting. Like... what the fucking fuck??? He's not dumb, but damn is he an idiot.

So, pretty resigned that it's one of the original Brady being voted out tomorrow. We can't really get Dillon to flip given this new situation. We can't rely on it, at least. And Ryan will more than likely be protected since they now know.

I might play my idol just to be safe. I wouldn't have had to if Shy Guy hadn't been an idiot.

Something isn't adding up. Aaron just suddenly found an idol? He didn't get it that challenge, because I did. So when did he get it?

And this vote, they don't trust Dnash. So they'd tell him who they're voting for? They know who we're voting for (thanks, Shy Guy), and they have at least 1 idol that everyone knows about - they don't need his vote. But they could use it to subvert our defenses.

I could be wrong, but this vote might be very unexpected. I'm tempted to play my idol, but I have no clue.

And if the 4 of us vote for Ryan, then Ryan gets an advantage.

idk. I just have a bad feeling. I'll have to sleep on this.

Dayman is sneaky. I no longer trust him at all, but feel like he might be opportunistic enough for this vote to work out.

I'm still considering playing my idol just in case. A few hours left, I know... I'll figure it out.

I'm probably just gonna vote Aaron and hope for the best all around. I'm tired of this. All last tonight and much of today going back and forth with Dayman, Spooky, Dnash, and even Milli briefly. Yet nothing from Aaron, relatively little from Shy Guy. As much as I want to be all idealistic and have us all stick together, even if we're all in the game after this vote (extremely unlikely), we're still completely dysfunctional.

I like Shelby a lot. She's my new favorite. But... damn.

I still think it's possible that Shelby and I are actually the target, with Dnash's vote used to neutralize both sides, and Dayman trying to throw Shelby and me off. And wasting an idol is better than being voted out with an idol. But continuing the game with an idol is better than either of those scenarios. So, this might be a pretty big gamble.

Shy Guy is annoying the hell out of me. Great guy, complete respect or him, but damn... he makes things difficult. I could play my idol for Shy Guy, even though I can count on him continuing to inadvertently screw me over, but it would keep him safe. It would also out me with Dayman, though. I'd give the idol to Shy Guy to play for himself, but he's so set that Spooky won't vote against him that he probably wouldn't play it. Fuck.

I've narrowed Dayman down to Soco or Tom (Delonge Ava). I could be wrong, but he seems to have qualities of both. If it's Tom, he probably knows who I am, too - or at least suspects it as a possibility. Which would help, considering I get along with Tom.

My thoughts on the game in its current state...

I suspect Dayman is their target, but they could be bluffing, and they can't be happy with me right now. Better to blow both idols than to use one to protect someone and I get voted out. Hopefully neither gets played... but I'd feel significantly less stupid playing an idol for both of us than playing only an idol for Dayman while I walk out the door.

These votes have been so crazy, and I've been responding to so many messages, that I've been slacking on confessionals.

So yeah, Dayman is Tom. Which is interesting, because I have always wanted to play a game with Tom. And Shelby is most likely Misty, which is also funny, because Tom and I both always seem to gravitate toward her, or she gravitates towards us. Not sure which, but one of those.

Shy Guy is fantastic. Seriously a great guy, but working with him can be a little difficult. That's not his fault, mind. We just have such different styles of gameplay, that I feel they're mutually unintelligible at times, and it becomes difficult. Also, he just gives away way too much information. I wish I could trust him with information more, but I can't. Not because I think he's disloyal, but because I think he's bound to tell someone, albeit with the best of intentions.

The last vote was difficult. I started getting a feeling they might target me, and there were just too many variables. In hindsight, if I knew for sure that Dnash voted Ryan, I would've just voted Ryan and, at worst, let it go to a tie. But I wasn't sure whether they were targeting Dayman or me, and whether they'd throw their votes at one of us or split it, and whether Dnash voted Ryan or was secretly voting with that. I could've saved 2 idols... but with some possible scenarios, it felt like too much of a risk. Again, rather I feel dumb for wasting 2 idols than feel dumb for going. Had Dnash not voted for Ryan, and I had I not played those idols, either Dayman or I would be gone now. So while I feel dumb, it easily could've gone a different way, with just the slightest change.

I have a feeling Dayman and Dnash will want to make a move against Shy Guy this time, which could be in my best interest. I'd hate to see Shy Guy go, and allowing it to happen would surely be my biggest regret of the game. But it would also mean 1.) I'd survive this round and 2.) I could get 1 last idol to play during the final 5. It's something I'm really conflicted about. On one hand, I do want to go to the end with Shy Guy (though I'd also be happy with Dayman or Shelby). On the other hand, our gameplay is so different, and working around that is so difficult, that I feel it puts my own game in danger sometimes.

But without my idols, anything can happen - so I need to stay on my toes big time now. We'll see if that works.

I am so glad I'm immune this round, you have no idea. This vote is insane. I truly don't know how it's going to turn out.

This might even be more of a clusterfuck of personalities than last season. Everyone is playing really hard at this point. It's the first vote I can even guess one of 2. Milli's messages to me seem so obviously like a play - exactly like something I'd send to someone more gullible. Of course, that could just be the way Milli communicates. I really have no idea what will happen. Dayman seems to keep thinking Shelby is at risk - Shelby is the only person who hasn't been brought up, which could very well mean she is at risk, given this mess.

2-2-2... easy vote, we'd have the tie-breaker power. It's so simple. Then it just went crazy.

I'll vote out Dnash, fine. But the fact that Milli managed to throw this vote upside down probably makes Milli a better choice. And there's no sense trying to do anything more than tie for the initial vote. This could've been so simple. Then it just went batshit.

Ugh.

I saw names in the tree mail, and got all excited, hoping it would be like the Russian Olympian challenge. Instead a scramble of names I don't know and movie titles I don't know. Curse you, Adam! At least I have the Genius under my belt now to soften the blow of this potential disaster.

Let's see...

I hate this game. I truly hate this game.

Part of me almost hopes I'm blindsided. It's at a point where I lose Dayman or I lose Shy Guy, with the implication here of upsetting the actual person behind the game persona. I could easily save Shy Guy, but then I'd lose Dayman's trust (is that the right word here? I don't think so). I could vote against Shy Guy, but then I'd be screwing him over. I don't like doing that. I trust both in different ways, though Shy Guy gravitating toward Spooky, then toward Milli, and ultimately outing information, really seems like a liability. I keep wondering about final 4 scenarios and what could happen. And the truth is, I just don't know.

Shelby could play her idol for Shy Guy, saving him. He might be upset at me, but he'd still be in the game. I could live with that. I might suggest it to her... but what incentive would she have to do that? If we're the majority, there's no sense in playing it for him - then again, there's no sense in playing it at all, except for the satisfaction of the results being especially definitive. So what argument do I use that doesn't sound like I'm trying to leave her vulnerable (when I'm not)???

I don't like turning on people, but at this point I need to turn on someone... which is a weird situation for me and not something I'm comfortable with. I mean, I'm fine with cutting throats... but the throats I cut are never throats close to me. I've always managed a way around this before... yes, sometimes in games I know someone is going and I don't fight, but only because fighting it wouldn't help and would just put the target on me. But legit having to choose between allies? It's not something I've ever had to do, and I don't like it. They both make it so complicated by jonesing to target each other. Like, just chill the fuck out - neither of you need to target the other, at least not yet. But that's how it is, and now I have to make the best of that.

So, I repeat... I hate this game.

Shy Guy's comment. Fuck.

It's a game. I know that. If someone were to blindside me, I might be a little bummed for a couple hours that I lost the game, but I wouldn't take it personally or hold anything against them. My fear is that Shy Guy and Dayman would both take it personally, and I like both and don't want to do that to them.

Crisis potentially averted - Shy Guy stays, Dayman doesn't distrust me.

This could all blow up, and surely will eventually, but for now... fingers crossed. If I just accidentally sacrificed Shelby, I'm going to hate myself, though.

Thinking of this now - not my original concerns, but how I ultimately handled it - I really am like Kathy, aren't I? Wow. That's scary. (love you, Kathy!)

So, I was thinking... how could I set up Shelby to win?

Shelby has played a great game - if she is who I think she is, she's played the best game I've ever seen her play. Not to mention setting her up to win would solve my whole Dayman/Shy Guy conundrum. As in, it can become irrelevant what happens between us if Shelby has this in the bag, right? This is what happens when I get annoyed with everyone. There's a final 4 we've agreed on - everyone needs to just stick with it and shut-up. Otherwise, I pull this shit.

That wasn't my goal going into this play, but it's now something I'm seriously considering. She's played such a great game - it would be a shame to have that overlooked because of powerhouse egos getting in the way (mine included).

Regardless of any of that, if I can buy a round before this bites me in the ass, I have a decent chance. Of course, I've set it up so I can't win the final challenge. It's one thing to explain this all in the jury - it's another thing entirely to be the one who makes that decision, sending someone to the jury. Not that it's a huge concern, considering I haven't been especially great at these challenges. But... yeah.

I'm keeping options open, but Shelby winning this game is at the top of that list right now.

Also, let me add: we made the final 4, like we all agreed and planned, before paranoia set in. You're welcome, kids.

Dayman and Shy Guy are great, and I'm happy I've gotten to play this game with them. But they're both fucking idiots. Can't say enough good things about them both, aside from them being idiots. heh.